Reasons That the Super Bowl Party You're Attending Isn't Very Enjoyable
Guess you should've gone to that National Weatherperson's Day party instead.
Feb 3, 2012
Feb 1, 2012
Best of Baron von Funny: December 2010-January 2011
From Derek Jeter's contract to Santa's naughty list to New Year's resolutions (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Jan 27, 2012
Surprising Moments From President Obama's State of the Union Address
You can't spell "State of the Union" without "uneaten fish toot."
Jan 20, 2012
Other Ways Mark Wahlberg Would Have Changed History If Only He'd Been There
Watch out, John Wilkes Booth – you're about to get Italian Jobbed!
Jan 13, 2012
Other Baby Names Considered By Beyoncé and Jay-Z
Namin' ain't easy.
Jan 6, 2012
Signs That Rick Santorum's Strong Showing in Iowa Is Going to His Head
Looks like someone's drunk on power... and significant amounts of homemade corn liquor.
Dec 30, 2011
Memorable Moments from 2011 That May Not Have Actually Happened
Remembering the year that wasn't.
Dec 23, 2011
Items on Your Holiday Wish List That You Won't Be Receiving
Ask and ye shall receive a Starbucks gift card instead.
Dec 16, 2011
Other Ways God Has Helped Tim Tebow
Kinda makes you wonder who the Vikings are praying to.
Dec 14, 2011
Best of Baron von Funny: October-November 2010
From celebrity products to George W. Bush's memoir to the trapped Chilean miners (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Dec 9, 2011
Other Celebrities Who Have Been Kicked Off of Planes
Still, you're nobody until you've been thrown out of a Shoney's.
Dec 2, 2011
Signs That You're Too Obsessed With Black Friday
A penny saved is a penny you can jab into someone's eye to keep them from grabbing that toaster.
Nov 25, 2011
Less Interesting Versions of Famous Book Titles
Yeah, you can go ahead and judge these books by their covers.
Nov 18, 2011
Other Things Mike Krzyzewski Can Do Better Than Bob Knight
But Knight will always have that TV movie where he was played by Brian Dennehy.
Nov 11, 2011
Least Popular New Broadway Shows
I smell some Tonys! (Oh wait, it's just Danza and Shalhoub.)
Nov 4, 2011
Herman Cain Pickup Lines or Things People Might Say in a Restaurant
Once you go black, you'll need to sign a binding non-disclosure agreement.
Oct 28, 2011
Inappropriate Halloween Costumes
It used to be about the candy, man.
Oct 21, 2011
Upcoming Movie Remakes Featuring Talking Animals
And by "talking animal", we don't mean Vin Diesel.
Oct 14, 2011
Other Ideas Netflix is Scrapping
New Coke must be rolling in its grave.
Oct 7, 2011
Things Republicans Are Willing to Do If It Will Help Them Avoid Having Mitt Romney as Their 2012 Nominee
Looks like somebody poo-pooed the idea of Thaddeus McCotter a little too hastily.
Oct 5, 2011
Best of Baron von Funny: August-September 2010
From Glenn Beck University to the fall TV season to the Ground Zero mosque debate (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Sep 30, 2011
Other Amazing Things That Happened on the Last Night of the MLB Regular Season
But no, you just had to watch Harry's Law, didn't you?
Sep 23, 2011
Other Side Effects Michele Bachmann Claims Are Caused by the HPV Vaccine
And don't get her started on that ridiculous polio booster.
Sep 16, 2011
Rejected Pilots for the 2011 Fall TV Season
Of course, an approved pilot is simply one that gets rejected a month later.
Sep 9, 2011
Least Popular Super Powers
What, like the British Empire and the Soviet Union? (Historical zing!)
Sep 2, 2011
Other Things You Shouldn't Do After Labor Day
This can also serve as a handy to-do list of things to squeeze into your last weekend of summer.
Aug 26, 2011
Things NBA Players Can Do to Pass the Time During the Lockout
If there's a worse time in life to have nothing to do than when you're young, athletic, and rich, medical science has yet to discover it.
Aug 19, 2011
Special Features of Ground Force One
Go Ground Force and leave the driving to POTUS!
Aug 12, 2011
New Mottos for the U.S. in Light of the Credit Downgrade
A downgrade is just an upgrade turned upside down!
Aug 5, 2011
Ways Life Might Be Better Under the Rule of Apes
Perhaps we'll learn to love every ape we see, from chimpan-A to chimpan-Z.
Jul 29, 2011
Changes Being Made to Pro Football in the Wake of the New NFL Collective Bargaining Agreement
Are you ready for some post-union-decertification-and-possible-violations-of-antitrust-law football?!
Jul 27, 2011
Best of Baron von Funny: June-July 2010
From Mel Gibson to the Russian Spies to the vuvuzela (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Jul 22, 2011
Things That Might Happen if the U.S. Fails to Solve Its Debt Ceiling Crisis
"Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it's time for our viewers to crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside?" "Mmm, yes I would, Kent."
Jul 15, 2011
Rejected Crayola Colors
But at least they have Pantone as their safety corporation.
Jul 8, 2011
Other Changes Being Made to Facebook
Helping you connect and share with the people in your life even when none of you is exactly sure why.
Jul 1, 2011
Film Critic Complaints About Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Well, it's no Freddy Got Fingered, that's for sure.
Jun 24, 2011
Least Popular Breakfast Cereals
Though they're all still preferable to Kellogg's Mueslix.
Jun 17, 2011
Little-Known Facts About the GOP Presidential Candidates
The more you know, the less you understand.
Jun 10, 2011
Other Reasons for Sending Someone a Picture of Your Cock
It should be noted that ladies never need a reason to show us their boobs.
Jun 3, 2011
Other Reasons People Hate the Miami Heat
They're not booing; they're saying "South Booeach".
May 27, 2011
Family Feud Questions That Failed to Get 100 Survey Responses
And you thought Jeopardy was tough.
May 20, 2011
Reasons You Won't Be Getting Raptured
Don't worry – everyone who's left behind gets a free small Enchirito® at Taco Bell!
May 18, 2011
Best of Baron von Funny: April-May 2010
From the BP disaster to the NASCAR Hall of Fame to the season finale of Lost (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
May 13, 2011
Lesser-Known Kama Sutra Positions
You might want to do some stretches first.
May 6, 2011
Unfinished Items on Osama bin Laden's Bucket List
Get out there and live life, because you never know when you might get shot in the face by Navy SEALs while hiding out in your secret, fortified compound in Pakistan.
Apr 29, 2011
Things Overheard at the Royal Wedding
If you listen closely, you can actually hear the stuffiness!
Apr 22, 2011
Things to Look Forward to in a Trump Presidency
Be careful what you vote for.
Apr 15, 2011
Bad Prom Themes
You want an event where you awkwardly slow dance in rented clothes under the supervision of your teachers to feel special.
Apr 8, 2011
New Slogans for the Obama Reelection Campaign
You can't spell "reelect Obama" without "acrobat melee."
Apr 1, 2011
Additional Changes AMC Wanted to Make to Mad Men
Up next: The Walking Dead with less zombies and more sexy singing teens.
Mar 30, 2011
Best of Baron von Funny: February-March 2010
From the Winter Olympics to Joe Biden to the Toyota recall (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Mar 25, 2011
Other Surprising Facts Found in the 2010 U.S. Census Data
Well, other than the fact that there sure are a lot of people with the last name Jablome.
Mar 18, 2011
Signs You Got Drunker Than You Realized on St. Patrick's Day
But less drunk than you got on President's Day. (Shudder)
Mar 11, 2011
Things Emilio Estevez Has Been Up To Lately
It's not easy bein' a Sheen.
Mar 4, 2011
Reasons Americans Are Fatter Than Canadians
That just means there's more of us to hate.
Feb 25, 2011
Ways Your Cell Phone is Affecting Your Brain
Not to be confused with ways your cell phone affectation is affecting your social life.
Feb 18, 2011
Things Americans Were Paying Attention To While That Whole Egypt Thing Was Going On
In our defense, we're used to learning about Egypt's past. Who knew they had stuff worth paying attention to in the present?
Feb 11, 2011
Things Charlie Sheen Has Learned in Rehab
That Hanes commercial where he tosses his phone into the back seat of Michael Jordan's car makes a whole lot more sense now.
Feb 9, 2011
Best of Baron von Funny: December 2009-January 2010
From Tiger Woods to Avatar to the NBC late night fiasco (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Feb 4, 2011
Other Things Dogs Can Detect By Smell
And, just like Homer Simpson, they can also hear pudding.
Jan 28, 2011
Reasons Your Film Was Not Nominated for Best Picture
They can't all be Scent of a Woman, can they?
Jan 21, 2011
Unusual Weather Events on Tap for 2011
You can't spell "forecasting" without "ignore facts!" (Or "finger tacos," for whatever that's worth.)
Jan 14, 2011
New Year's Resolutions That You've Already Broken
Don't feel too bad, you can always try again with your Groundhog Day Self-Improvement Oaths!
Jan 7, 2011
Memorable Moments from 2010 That May Not Have Actually Happened
It was the best of fictitious times, it was the worst of fictitious times.
Dec 24, 2010
Actions That Will Put You on Santa's Naughty List
Get ready for some extra-lumpy coal!
Dec 17, 2010
Pros and Cons of Being Time Magazine's Person of the Year
If a meaningless award is given out by a dying industry, does it still make a sound?
Dec 10, 2010
Surprising Things Found in the Pockets of Your Winter Coat
And just wait 'til you see what's in the pockets of your summer hot pants.
Dec 3, 2010
Additional Contract Demands Being Made by Derek Jeter
Because you can't spell "Pay Derek Jeter good" without "Ode to a greedy jerk."
Dec 1, 2010
Best of Baron von Funny: October-November 2009
From the Balloon Boy to distracted driving to the Sarah Palin memoir (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Nov 26, 2010
Other Things the Pope Says It's Okay to Do Now
Best papal decrees EVER.
Nov 19, 2010
Additional Airport Security Measures Being Planned by the TSA
Now putting the T&A in TSA!
Nov 12, 2010
Surprises Found in the New George W. Bush Memoir
Guaranteed to catch you more off guard than a Category 5 hurricane in the Gulf.
Nov 5, 2010
Ways the Democrats Plan to Win Back the American Public
Have they even tried standing outside the American public's window holding a boom box that's playing Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes"?
Oct 29, 2010
Halloween Activities That Sound Like Sexual Euphemisms
You'll never look at an Oh Henry! the same way again.
Oct 22, 2010
Additional Changes Being Made to Barnes & Noble Stores
Surely you can't go wrong founding your business model on the assumption that Americans will read more books.
Oct 15, 2010
Ways to Pass the Time While Trapped in an Underground Mine
Sadly, it's still preferable to being delayed in an airport terminal.
Oct 8, 2010
Activities That Are Still Not Recommended During Pregnancy
Nobody wants a crack baby, but where is the next generation of reality TV stars going to come from?
Oct 1, 2010
Other Products Being Launched by Celebrities
But not into space. That's a whole other deal.
Sep 24, 2010
Signs That the Documentary You're Watching Might Not Be Legitimate
It's a fine line between film and flim-flam.
Sep 22, 2010
Best of Baron von Funny: August-September 2009
From Kanye West to swine flu to the Chevy Volt (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Sep 17, 2010
Rejected Pilots for the New Fall TV Season
Unfortunately, Outsourced wasn't one of them.
Sep 10, 2010
New Ways to Get Americans to Quit Smoking
Next, we can work on ways to get Americans to quit trying to get other Americans to quit stuff.
Sep 3, 2010
Additional Courses to Be Offered at Glenn Beck University
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Before applying, just make sure you have a safety school, like O'Reilly Tech, Hannity College, or Dartmouth.
Aug 27, 2010
Surprising Stipulations Found in the Tiger Woods Divorce Settlement
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Luckily, there's enough green jackets for everyone in the family.
Aug 20, 2010
Other Construction Projects Deemed Too Inappropriate to Be Allowed Within Five Blocks of Ground Zero
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If you build it, they will scrum.
Aug 13, 2010
Ways JetBlue Plans to Improve Employee Morale
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If you're JetBlue and you don't know where to go to, why don't you go where you can earn plaudits: puttin' on the PR blitz.
Aug 6, 2010
Reasons Brett Favre is Being So Indecisive
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You can't spell "Favre indecision" without "divine fiasco." (You also can't spell it without "fine vino sidecar," but that's just silly.)
Jul 30, 2010
Other Things Obama Fears Will Be WikiLeaked
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Loose lips, now at your fingertips!
Jul 28, 2010
Best of Baron von Funny: June-July 2009
From Sarah Palin to rejected Jeopardy! categories to the Congressional health care bill (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Jul 24, 2010
Reasons Mel Gibson Is So Angry
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Oh like you've never been caught delivering a series of screaming, profanity-laced tirades on the phone to the Russian singer-songwriter who bore your child.
Jul 16, 2010
American Secrets Discovered by the Russian Spies
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No, even they don't understand why Two and a Half Men is so popular.
Jul 9, 2010
Signs That Parents Are Getting Fed Up With Parenting
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Stupid perpetuation of the species!
Jul 2, 2010
Reasons the Founding Fathers Hate Our Stupid Guts
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And this after we've spent all these years celebrating their accomplishments by eating hot dogs and blowing stuff up.
Jun 25, 2010
New Slogans for BP
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Because if there's one thing slicker than oil, it's good spin doctoring.
Jun 18, 2010
Other Uses for the Vuvuzela
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Why should soccer fans be the only ones to enjoy teeth-grinding aggravation and temporary hearing loss?
Jun 11, 2010
Real Reasons the ESPN Zone Restaurant Chain Failed
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They flew too close to the sun on wings of buffalo.
Jun 4, 2010
Surprises Found in Mark Twain's Forthcoming Autobiography
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Why couldn't Miley Cyrus have waited 100 years to publish her autobiography?
May 28, 2010
Ways to Fill the Void During the Summer TV Hiatus
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Which is not to be confused with Ways to Kill the Noid Using a Plumber's PVC Apparatus.
May 21, 2010
Surprises Found in the Final Episode of Lost
Come on, why would they give us anything other than more of the lucid, straightforward, plain-spoken storytelling we've come to enjoy over the years?
May 19, 2010
Best of Baron von Funny: April-May 2009
From Somali pirates to the new Star Trek movie to Obama's first 100 days in office (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
May 14, 2010
Lesser-Known Features of the New NASCAR Hall of Fame
Celebrating 62 years of ancillary carbon monoxide poisoning!
May 7, 2010
Other Ways BP Plans to Make Up for the Gulf Oil Spill
You just know the make-up sex is going to be really, really good.
Apr 30, 2010
Rejected Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream Flavors
Maybe they'd be good enough for those jerks over at Häagen-Dazs.
Apr 23, 2010
Additional Problems Caused by Having Too Much Sodium in Your Diet
As it you didn't already have your hands full dealing with the side effects from your Savella.
Apr 16, 2010
Things That John Paul Stevens Will Miss About Being a Supreme Court Justice
Sure, there's the job security, the power, the prestige... but what about the really important stuff?
Apr 9, 2010
Things You Don't Want to Hear Your Doctor Say
You're gonna want to start stocking up on apples.
Apr 2, 2010
Signs That the Pittsburgh Pirates and Their Fans Have Given Up Hope
Celebrating nearly 20 years of making the Kansas City Royals and their fans feel better about themselves.
Mar 26, 2010
Additional Gaffes Made by Joe Biden
He who gaffes last, gaffes best.
Mar 24, 2010
Best of Baron von Funny: February-March 2009
From March Madness to unwanted Barbie dolls to Christian Bale's profane tirade (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Mar 19, 2010
Moral Imperatives That Didn't Make the Cut for the Ten Commandments
And you thought it was hard enough just trying to live up to the existing ones.
Mar 12, 2010
Lesser-Known St. Patrick's Day Traditions
You might find them preferable to screaming "Erin Go Bragh!" for five hours with a shirtless guy named Sully.
Mar 5, 2010
Other Ways the U.S. Postal Service Plans to Cut Costs
Looks like we gave up a little too quickly on that whole Pony Express idea, huh?
Feb 26, 2010
New Slogans for ESPN
Honestly, they were just grabbing a gummi Venus de Milo that got stuck to that girl's pants!
Feb 19, 2010
Rejected Winter Olympics Events
Not surprising coming from the people that shot down Skijöring back in 1928.
Feb 12, 2010
Other Things Sarah Palin Has Written on Her Hand
Still, a note on her hand beats two on George Bush.
Feb 5, 2010
Other Problems Found in Toyota Vehicles
Did we learn nothing from the classic 1986 Michael Keaton comedy Gung Ho?
Jan 29, 2010
Signs That You're a Little Too Obsessed with Apple and Steve Jobs
There is definitely such a thing as too much of a good thing.
Jan 22, 2010
Mistakes Made by Martha Coakley in the Massachusetts Senate Campaign
You can't spell "Democratic Party" without "tired crap."
Jan 15, 2010
Other Rejected Solutions to NBC's Late Night Problem
Which was caused by the solution to their prime time problem, which was caused by the original solution to their late night problem. Proud as a Peacock, indeed!
Jan 13, 2010
Best of Baron von Funny: December 2008-January 2009
From Rod Blagojevich to unpopular holiday stories to the auto bailout (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Jan 8, 2010
Memorable Moments from 2009 That May Not Have Actually Happened
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Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to make a bunch of shit up.
Dec 25, 2009
Least Popular Christmas Carols
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Good luck going a-wassailing with these.
Dec 18, 2009
Surprises Found in the New Avatar Movie
Who knew that a film set 150 years in the future on a fictional planet located several light years away from Earth would have surprises?
Dec 11, 2009
Things That Might Be in Your Drinking Water
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Waterworld was right: we're just a couple years away from needing to filter and drink our own urine here, people.
Dec 4, 2009
Additional Accusations Being Made Against Tiger Woods
Looks like somebody's sliced one deep into the rough.
Nov 27, 2009
Other Toys Listed on the "Trouble in Toyland" Report
Santa's not the only one that knows who's been naughty.
Nov 20, 2009
Surprises Found in the New Sarah Palin Memoir
Looks like someone's "going rogue" on herself.
Nov 18, 2009
Best of Baron von Funny: October-November 2008
From the presidential election to the explosion of the iPhone to the futility of the Detroit Lions (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Nov 13, 2009
Hulk Hogan Complaints About Returning to Wrestling at Age 56
Remember kids: say your prayers, eat your vitamins, and for the love of all that is holy, will you please turn down that music?!?
Nov 6, 2009
Ways That Nicolas Cage Wasted Hundreds of Millions of Dollars
Oh, like you've never spent outrageous sums of money to buy multiple European castles.
Oct 30, 2009
Least Popular Halloween Costumes for 2009
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I mean, come on, if you're not going to dress up as the late Ray Walston, what's the point?
Oct 23, 2009
Balloon Boy Family Excuses
Hey, since when is deliberately misleading and using the media for your own gain considered to be anything other than a fine American tradition?
Oct 16, 2009
Reasons Why the Math Scores of U.S. Schoolchildren Are Failing to Improve
Won't somebody please think of the children!
Oct 9, 2009
Titles For a Fourth Jason Bourne Movie That Will Keep the Franchise in Alphabetical Order
Because nobody wants to be like those philistines who run the Batman movies.
Oct 2, 2009
Other Reasons Americans Are So Distracted While Driving
Probably because they're trying to come up with clever little blurbs for the snarky joke lists on their podunk website.
Sep 25, 2009
Additional Ernie Anastos Catchphrases
May we all keep fucking that chicken.
Sep 18, 2009
Other Interjections Kanye West Can No Longer Keep to Himself
Free your mind, and your mouth will follow.
Sep 11, 2009
Surprises Planned for the New Season of Survivor
Besides the surprise that there's yet another season of Survivor.
Sep 4, 2009
Other Things the Airlines Will Soon Be Charging You For
Because they love to fly, and it shows.
Aug 28, 2009
Signs That You're Getting a Little Too Paranoid About Swine Flu
And just when you were starting to get over your SARS mania.
Aug 21, 2009
Additional Perks the Vikings Used to Lure Brett Favre Out of Retirement
You know, besides the prestige that comes with joining an organization that has lost four Super Bowls.
Aug 14, 2009
Other Ways the Chevy Volt Will Improve Your Life
Unlike that leech on society, the Ford Escape. Get a job, you hippie!
Aug 7, 2009
Real Reasons Paula Abdul Left American Idol
She needs a reason?
Jul 31, 2009
Other Ideas Considered to Resolve the Gates-Crowley Dispute
After all, it's not like the White House has better ways to be spending its time and resources.
Jul 24, 2009
Recent Additions to the Congressional Health Care Bills
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Your tax dollars hard at work!
Jul 17, 2009
Rejected Harry Potter Book Titles
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Sometimes the road to success includes a few wrong turns.
Jul 10, 2009
Ways That Al Franken Can Make Up For Lost Time
Preferably without resorting to using a DeLorean modified by an eccentric scientist to travel back to a period several years before he was born.
Jul 3, 2009
New Slogans for Mississippi, the Fattest State in the U.S.
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Or: How Mississippi Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Cankle.
Jun 26, 2009
Other Proposed Changes to the 2010 Oscars
That is, besides just making it longer and more self-congratulatory.
Jun 19, 2009
Other Things Sarah Palin Is Now Demanding an Apology For
Up to, but not yet including, this list.
Jun 12, 2009
Rejected Jeopardy! Categories
Yet somehow "Potent Potables" still gets a free pass.
Jun 5, 2009
Less Prestigious 300 Clubs
Sometimes membership does not have its privileges.
May 29, 2009
Additional Details About Dos Equis's Most Interesting Man in the World
He's far more fascinating than Heineken's Most Drunkenly Incapacitated Dude in a Wendy's.
May 22, 2009
Least Popular Home Repair Books
Sometimes doing it yourself is best left to other people.
May 15, 2009
Additional Cheerios Claims That Were Shot Down By the FDA
Hey, you can't blame a multi-billion-dollar corporation for trying.
May 8, 2009
Surprises Found in the New Star Trek Movie
Because if there's one thing rabid fan bases love, it's unexpected changes to their beloved franchise.
May 1, 2009
Less Publicized Accomplishments From Obama's First 100 Days in Office
If an accomplishment happens in the forest and no one is around to witness it, does Obama still get credit for it?
Apr 24, 2009
Other Controversial, Inappropriate, or Otherwise Odd Remarks Made By Miss USA Pageant Contestants
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America's sweethearts say the darndest things.
Apr 17, 2009
Pros and Cons of Being a Somali Pirate
Apparently there's more to it than just pointing at things off the starboard bow and yelling "Avast, ye scurvy dogs!"
Apr 10, 2009
Other Celebrities Who Will Be Joining the Obama Administration
It's not exactly a collection of the best and the brightest.
Apr 3, 2009
Andy Rooney Commentaries That Were Rejected By 60 Minutes
It's a fine line between cranky old humorist and becoming a real-life version of Grandpa Simpson.
Mar 27, 2009
New NBC Slogans
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Is "meh" a slogan, or more of a corporate statement of purpose?
Mar 20, 2009
Signs That You May Be Suffering From March Madness
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Self-diagnosis in 25 easy steps. Remember, doctors say early detection is the key.
Mar 13, 2009
Chien-Ming Wang Headlines That Less Mature Sports Editors Could Try to Run During Spring Training 2009
Levels of sexual innuendo not seen since the heyday of Minnesota Twins outfielder Randy Bush.
Mar 6, 2009
Least Popular Versions of the Barbie Doll
Let's just say that mistakes were made.
Feb 27, 2009
Lesser-Known Provisions in the New Economic Stimulus Package
Clearly not all provisions are created equal.
Feb 20, 2009
Better Ways to End Long Speeches at the Oscars
Because we'd like to free up time for more awkward, stilted banter between presenters.
Feb 13, 2009
Additional Past Transgressions Alex Rodriguez Admitted to This Week
The truths finally come out.
Feb 6, 2009
Other Things That Will Set Off a Profanity-Laced Tirade From Christian Bale
Don't say we didn't warn you.
Jan 30, 2009
Other Revelations in Joe Torre's Upcoming Book The Yankee Years
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Which is not to be confused with the best-selling male adolescent sex guide, The Yanking Years.
Jan 23, 2009
Possible Side Effects of Savella, the Newly-Approved Fibromyalgia Drug
Consult your doctor or pharmacist to learn whether these jokes may be right for you.
Jan 16, 2009
Surprises Planned for the Obama Inauguration
It can't just be all swearing-in and speeches. It can't!
Jan 9, 2009
Better Ways to Pick a College Football Champion
Anything's better than the system they have now. Am I right, ladies?
Jan 2, 2009
Better Uses for NBC's 10pm Time Slot Than Giving It to Jay Leno
Is it possible to burn a time slot? Or feed it to wolves?
Dec 26, 2008
Memorable Moments from 2008 That May Not Have Actually Happened
Hindsight isn't always 20/20.
Dec 19, 2008
Least Popular Holiday Tales
Hey, they can't all be "Frosty the Snowman" or "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer."
Dec 12, 2008
Additional Demands Made by Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich
Because demanding too little in an extortion conspiracy is the kind of thing that could really haunt a guy.
Dec 10, 2008
Dot-Com Startups That Never Hit It Big
It was probably for the best that they didn't. (Enjoy a special non-Friday bonus BvF!)
Dec 5, 2008
Ways the Big Three Automakers Plan to Spend $34 Billion
What, you thought they were actually going to use it to restructure their business models and make better cars?
Nov 28, 2008
Other Missteps That Will Result in a Lifetime Ban for "Pacman" Jones
Just in case his lawyer hasn't done a very good job of reading the fine print.
Nov 21, 2008
Pros and Cons of Being the Sexiest Man Alive
For those of you thinking of applying for the position in the future.
Nov 14, 2008
New Slogans for the Detroit Lions
Because making the team better doesn't really seem to be an option.
Nov 7, 2008
Surprising Moments from the 2008 Election That May Not Have Actually Happened
Though it would have been more entertaining if they had.
Oct 31, 2008
Least Popular Halloween Treats for 2008
For those who'd like to avoid having their house egged and TP'd.
Oct 24, 2008
Other Promotions Being Offered During the 2008 World Series
Because there's nothing Americans love more than earning free stuff without having to do anything for it.
Oct 17, 2008
New Things the iPhone Will Soon Be Able to Do
The smartest smart phone is about to get a whole lot smarter.
Oct 10, 2008
Other Signs That the Gloves Are Off in the 2008 Presidential Campaign
Just in case you missed the delicate subtleties of all the name-calling and guilt by association.
Baron von Contributors:
Brandon Kruse (Editor-in-Chief) once saw a woman in Pasadena, CA, who was eating corn on the cob, two-handed, while driving. He suspects she may hold the key to understanding the meaning of life.
Tenessa Gemelke has eaten squirrel, has competed in a pageant, and has spoken in tongues.
Once a respected pharmacist, Sean Hecht now resides in a quiet room with plain walls and no sharp objects. If he takes all his meds and hasn't messed himself that week, he is allowed to contribute to PoopReading.com.
Brad Kruse was recently named "Mercenary of the Year" by Soldier of Fortune magazine, fulfilling a lifelong dream.
Known to many as the Garry Shandling of Hat Making, Matt Kruse, now retired, spends his time as lead cashier of Mufreesboro, TN's first fully-enclosed Centaur gift and hobby shop: "Rick's Man-Horse Emporium."
Joe Mulder starred in such classic films as The Hustler, Cool Hand Luke, and The Sting. He was also an accomplished race car driver, and raised millions for charity with his popular salad dressings. He passed away in September 2008.
In 1999, four Sri Lankan teenagers with a penchant for nonsense humor and an inexplicable grudge against TV's Michael Gross devised a computer program to spew random sentences onto the internet. They named it Jameson Simmons.
Mike Wagner hopes to be the first man to walk on the moon.
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