POOP READING
May 4, 2018

Sure, everyone loves Ronald McDonald and Colonel Sanders, but not every fast food character becomes quite so beloved...

Least Popular Fast Food Mascots

—Arby's "Duck It", the Apathetic Duck Who Might as Well Eat Arby's (Joe W.)

—El Pollo Loco's Schizophrenic Rooster (Matt)

—The Chik-fil-A Judgmental Neighborhood Gossip (Brandon)

—Sammy the Sbarro Shitpiranha (Jameson)

—The One Hut That Got Out-Pizzaed (Joe M.)

—The Five Guys' Sixth Guy Who Still Bitterly Regrets Passing on This Multi-Million-Dollar Idea (Brandon)

—Carl, the Holocaust-Denying Unicorn From Carl’s Jr. (Jameson)

—Jack in the Box’s Semen in the Container (Joe M.)

—Wendy's Smiling But Bloody Zombie Corpse of Dave Thomas (Joe W.)

—Caribou Coffee's Coughy the Caribou, the Caribou Who's Always Coughing Near Your Open Cup of Coffee (Brandon)

—The Fatburger Fry-Grease Wench (Jameson)

—Sonic’s Talking Beagle Who Only Talks About the Time You Peed in the Car on the Way to Mount Rushmore When You Were Eight (Joe M.)

—The Blimpie Gimp (Brandon)

—Prince Timothy, Protector of the Racial Purity of the White Castle (Matt)

—The Whataburger Whatthefuckisthatthing?!? (Brandon)

—Little Skeezer, the Little Caesar’s Mascot Who Tries to Look Up Ladies’ Dresses (Joe M.)

—The In-N-Out Anthropomorphic Bathroom Stall Divider with a Glory Hole Cut into It (Brandon)

—Grand Wizard Sanders (Joe M.)

—Jersey Mike's Cousin Joey, Who's Always Trying to Sell You Stolen Electronics (Brandon)

—Chemically Castrated Jared (Jameson)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Joe Wright

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